The Top 5 Sports Naps
Does any sporting event's snooze factor compare to a Sunday golf tournament?
There isn’t much of anything that plays on my TV screens other than sports. Whether it be games that are currently in action, or the content leading up to and following them, the channel doesn’t change much from ESPN, FS1, and other sports broadcasting stations.
On occasion, typically on weekend afternoons, the sound of sports on the TV is background noise that these days borders on being an ambient one to my ears. Sometimes, it can even be sleep inducing, and with just the right combination of factors, can provide for some of the most enjoyable naps known to the human species.
The following is a collection of my favorites, in the form of a list displaying the Top 5 Sports Naps that you can take part in.
Top 5 Sports Naps
5. The Olympics Nap
The only reason it isn’t ranked higher is because of its scarcity. Only enjoyed for a couple of weeks every two years, the Olympics nap is one of the best on the board.
NBC and the like will broadcast events like water polo or curling like we are supposed to care about this sport and athletes we’ve never heard of, and we somehow do. But about ten minutes into watching exhilarating water polo played by Team Croatia, or immaculate ice sweeping by Denmark, the eyelids can start to become heavy.
The Olympic nap is the most versatile, and could even be argued that it doesn’t belong in the nap family. Due to many Olympic years featuring prime time events that are on tape delay for time zone reasons, this version of the sports snooze can often be enjoyed in the evening hours. Don’t be surprised to catch your sports-loving family member crawling into bed at 2am after passing out on the couch while watching the men’s canoeing competition.
4. The Local MLB Broadcast Nap
Some people use white noise in order to help them fall asleep. It not only helps to drown out any outside commotion, but through constant, uninterrupted noise, provides a sense of familiarity.
What could be more familiar to a sports fan than the sounds of the voices of their local baseball broadcasters? None of the four major sports comes close to the MLB in terms of games played in a season, meaning that we get to listen to our local action-callers well over 100 times per year. We have their voices coming through our televisions and devices far more than those of any NFL or NBA broadcaster, and can become a staple of summer days for those with little else to consume.
With not much else going on in the sports world during the dog days of summer, MLB games can, at the very least, provide some background noise for starved sports fans. Your “white noise” for those mid-summer afternoons could be someone like Gary Cohen, or Dan Schulman, or Duane Kuiper. Grab a lemonade, turn on the air conditioner, and nap to the sweet and familiar sounds.
3. The Pre-Super Bowl Nap
Okay, so this one doesn’t take place while a game is going on, per se, but it plays in heavily to the sports-watching experience.
For some, the morning of Super Bowl Sunday can be a busy time. The 3:30ish (Pacific) kickoff allows for people to attend church or hit a breakfast in the morning, or for hosts of Super Bowl parties to hit the store and then the kitchen in preparation for the festivities.
Once the prayers are said, or once the beers and deviled eggs are stocked in the fridge, the sofa can be an inviting proposition. By 1pm, the various sports channels are well into their pre-kickoff coverage, which typically features some snooze-inducing content.
You know that the evening will be full of entertainment along with copious amounts of food and beverage consumption, and you’re morosely aware that the looming Monday will be spent dealing with a belly full of gurgling garbage.
Sleep well.
2. The Afternoon NFL Window Nap
Napping while football is on?! Unthinkable!
Let me paint the picture. It’s late November, Week 12 in the NFL. The morning slate featured nine games that you were fully locked in on, and the Witching Hour on RedZone just left you bewildered with a handful of wild finishes. You check in with the group chat, take a look at how your fantasy team is performing, and your stomach is still full from the other half of the breakfast burrito that you ate during halftime.
Maybe you spent the previous evening out with some friends, or traveling home from an early weekend getaway.
The 1pm games start, and they’re all meaningless. There’s only four on the afternoon slate, games like Jaguars vs Cardinals or Raiders vs. Titans. The gray clouds that gathered in the morning are now producing a light snow. You plop back down on the couch after tending to the fireplace, and make sure that your bets are in for the Sunday Night Football game between the Chiefs and Ravens that starts in about 4 hours.
It is the only acceptable time frame in which to close your eyes during an NFL weekend, but boy does it provide one of the best sports naps that I routinely engage in.
1. The Golf Nap
The top of the list. The granddaddy of them all. The big kahuna.
Nothing compares to the Sunday afternoon golf nap.
The broadcasts of golf events are meant to put you to sleep, and you can’t convince me otherwise. The birds are chirping, the creeks are flowing. The crowd is mostly silent but provide ambient-like clapping on occasion. The announcers speak softly, almost whispering, lullaby-like, as if they are standing on the edge of the green behind the player rather than in some studio a quarter-mile away tucked behind the clubhouse.
As a golf nap connoisseur, I prefer The Masters version myself. Not only do you have the usual elements that make the golf nap elite, but the announcers are (were) legends in the art of the soft voice in Jim Nantz and Vern Lundquist.
Any major or high profile tournament will do, though. The bird chirping and soothing sounds are the same regardless of the event, and waking up to the evening news or an early Sunday evening infomercial after a golf snooze is an undefeated feeling when it comes to sports naps.